Sonic and Tails walk in and look at him in confusion.]

SONIC: Uh, Knux, are you okay?

KNUCKLES: [helpless laughter]

TAILS: Uh oh, he was reading that book again, wasn't he?

[Tails reaches into the chair and pulls out the blue book, which on closer inspection has the words The Phantom Tollbooth emblazoned across it.]

SONIC: Knux, how many times have I told you that books are hazardous to your health?

[Knuckles sits up, gasping and wiping his eyes.]

KNUCKLES: You *gasp* have to read that book! It's great! They meet this kid, all right, who is the .58 child in the average family!

TAILS: So?

KNUCKLES: He's half a kid! [He whoops again]

SONIC: Knux, I think it's time to confiscate this book.

KNUCKLES [sobering at once] No! Don't take it! You took away Never Sniff a Gift Fish, too!

SONIC: Any book that makes you laugh that much is dangerous.

[He hands the book to Tails, who flies up and puts it on a high shelf, along with several other books.]

KNUCKLES: Communists.

5 .... 4... 3... 2... 1...

[They enter the theater]

TAILS: Silence is golden.

SONIC: So is the text.

KNUCKLES: Just you wait. I'll get you guys for taking away my book.

Sally, Vector, Mighty, Rotor, Charmy,

SONIC: Espio, Knuckles, Ray the Flying Squirrel, Bean the Dynamite Duck, Julie-Su, Mina, Geoffrey St. John ...

and Bunnie decided to follow Chaos and the Turkeys,

TAILS: They're an Alternative Rock band.

but not too closely.

KNUCKLES: Their latest hit, Urban Flood, was a little violent.

      The hunters came to a stream and crossed as quickly as they could. Chaos caught up with the turkeys on the other side
      and formed into a Gorilla like shape, about 2 and a half times as tall as Robotnik.

SONIC: [whipping out his Monster Field Guide] That is Chaos 2. Was Sonic Adventure released when these authors wrote this?

KNUCKLES: I don't think so.

TAILS: What an amazing coincidence.

      "Umm, does it seem a little bigger to you?" asked Vector.

SONIC: As he used a telescope to see it's head.

      "It must have picked up water from the stream." Sally said.

KNUCKLES: She jumped to the Island of Conclusions, and was stranded there for days.

      "Wait,. no. It's passed water before." said Rotor.

TAILS: Please don't make me riff that one.

      One of the hunters shot Chaos again, with his emerald shard powered energy gun.

SONIC: At once Knuckles wrestled him down, smashed his gun and stole the emerald shard.

KNUCKLES: That's my emerald, creep.

Some water seemed to flow UP
      from the stream and into Chaos.

TAILS: Turning him into the never-before-seen Chaos 3.

      Mighty ran up to the stream. "Stop it you idiots!" Mighty yelled. "You're making it stronger!"

[All three] DUH!

      Chaos and the hunters turned to look at him.

SONIC: [As Chaos] AIIEEEE! A MOUSE!

TAILS: Blue elephants.

Mighty picked up a big rock from the stream bed and tossed it at Chaos.

KNUCKLES: Chaos swung his bat and sent the rock into center field.

      The spot where the rock hit

SONIC: Exploded and a little squealing alien ran for cover.

TAILS: Now THAT was disgusting.

caused a small splash and a large dent in the solid form Chaos was holding.

SONIC: In his hand.

TAILS: He was filling out a weight-loss survey.

KNUCKLES: He has this problem with dieting. He only seems to lose water.

It reformed
      immediately, but water started

TAILS: Boiling.

KNUCKLES: Dripping.

SONIC: Congealing into a huge eel head.

cascading down the stream bank and into the stream.

SONIC: Sweeping millions of dollars out of the bank as it went.

      "I guess it takes a lot of energy to

KNUCKLES: Lift weights and jog.

hold and re-form those shapes out of water." Rotor guessed.

      "Whether that's the case or not, what matters is that what Mighty did is working!" Sally exclaimed.

TAILS: Gee. Let's all poke holes in Chaos and watch him shrink. Too bad that didn't work with Perfect Chaos.

SONIC: Man, I poked some holes in him, too! I hit him at three hundred miles an hour, right, and he was throwing these tornados and laser bolts at me. I shot up inside his gross watery body, aiming for his brain, and--

      Mighty and Bunnie each tossed some rocks.

KNUCKLES: Chaos hit them both over the back fence. Home run!

Chaos came after them, but got distracted when Vector spun and
      air-dashed into it from behind, scoring 2 hits.

SONIC: Chaos popped and a little animal bounced out.

      Since the rocks were limited,

TAILS: To chaos emeralds.

Mighty and Bunnie continued with

SONIC: Bubble gum.

spins and

KNUCKLES: Jedi mind tricks.

long-range punches, respectively. Mighty
      got out of the way just in time when Chaos

SONIC: Put on a sombrero and maracas and played Samba De Amigo.

formed a huge claw and swiped it by him. Bunnie spotted this and punched
      the claw.

TAILS: [as Chaos] Waaaaaa! She hurt my widdle handies!

      ---

SONIC: Look! An alien space ship!

KNUCKLES: We always seem to run into them on this color, don't we?

TAILS: Maybe they're after gold.

ALIENS: Greetings. We are Lawyers seeking refuge from the Great Slime Purge going on on the other side of the galaxy. May we land in your ship?

KNUCKLES: No, go away.

ALIEN LAWYERS: You wouldn't want to turn us away. We might sue you.

SONIC: [grinning evilly] Well, why don't you make yourselves comfortable? We're just watching a little movie.

[Three alien lawyers walk into the theater and sit down in the row in front of Sonic, Tails and Knuckles. They have three arms and eyes apiece, are carrying briefcases and wearing Armani suits.]

      Robotnik was becoming concerned.

ALIEN LAWYERS: What is this? It's a copyright infringement! SUE!!

The hunters hadn't reported in a while, and both Vlad and Metal Sonic had
      disappeared.

TAILS: They were playing cards in the galley.

He would have to face his greatest fear - doing it himself.

SONIC: [as Robotnik] Great, now everyone will mistake me for Tim Allen!

      Robotnik sent some bux=zzers

KNUCKLES: What's that?

TAILS: An equasion, silly. BUX = ZZERS.

SONIC: Sure, but what's it mean?

TAILS: You're asking me?

KNUCKLES: Maybe it's "Bud = wizers" in H@X0R speak.

TAILS: You're starting to scare me.

and other badniks out to look for Chaos and the hunters. If things were not going
      according to plan, he would have to go out there and make sure Chaos was captured.

KNUCKLES: [as Chaos] Oh YEAH? You and what Egg Carrier?

      Robotnik started to prepare the Egg Typhoon (his vehicle he uses in most of the games)

TAILS: HEY! I HAD THAT NAME RESERVED FOR SONIC ADVENTURE 3!!!

ALIEN LAWYERS: Are you interested in settling this in court?

TAILS: Sorry, I don't play tennis. That's Mario's job.

for launch,just in case he
      needed it.

KNUCKLES: Line break.

[Sonic, Tails and Knuckles all get up and get cups of cappuccino from the machine in the corner, and return to their seats as the color changes. The Alien Lawyers shudder in revulsion, and continue watching the movie. They seem entranced.]

Meanwhile, back in the Kope City archaeological site...

SONIC: An ultra-cool blue hedgehog was relaxing in a lawn chair, waiting for adventure to call his name.

TAILS: [as Yuji Naka] SONIC! Come audition for Sonic Adventure 3!

KNUCKLES: [snickering] Sure, who are they gonna hire if they can't get Sonic?

SONIC: Some guy named Archie who does Sonic impersonations.

      "This place is old even compared to the ruins of Sandopolis", said Knuckles with awe. "And they are more ancient than
      anything else on the Island!"

TAILS: Not compared to this coffee, it isn't.

      "Yeah, that's just great and all," said Sonic, "but

SONIC: [As himself] Are you kidding? This cappuccino has got me flying to Mars!

ALIEN LAWYERS: No, you're sitting right there.

KNUCKLES: Wait until he finishes his cup.

can we get a move on? Please?"
      "It would help if we knew where we were getting a move on TO." glowered Myron.

TAILS: Disneyland, of course.

SONIC: Why not Mars? It's nice this time of year.

      While they were arguing, there came a sudden, hideously loud, grating sound from behind them, and with a WHUMPH
      a heavy stone slab fell down in front of the door, blocking it.
      They were trapped.

KNUCKLES: Cue the blue lights and the monster sounds! We're in the Temple of Doom! Chaos will devour us all! We will all run around screaming gibberish until we die horribly in lava or acid or ... something. Yeah.

SONIC: And here I thought I had had too much caffine ...

      And then they saw it...an eerie greenish glow, coming from a side-corridor.

KNUCKLES: ACID! It will wash the meat from our bones and ...

TAILS: ... and our "death" screens appear with a box of "slime chow" on it.

      "That's it!" cried Dash, frantically.

SONIC: That's where I left my extra pair of socks!

"That's the chamber where I found the giant green jewel! It's right over there!"

TAILS: [As Rouge] Sorry boys, I just cleaned the place out. How was that? Perfect? Like me?

KNUCKLES: I really hate that woman.

He
      sounded hysterical. But then of course, this place was just packed with traumatic memories for him.

KNUCKLES: There was the time he lost his keys ... *sniff*

      "I...I don't like this..." whispered Electra. She looked even sicklier than the others did in the pale greenish light. "I...I
      feel like the walls are closing in...I can't breathe--let me OUT! LET ME OUT!!"

SONIC: Of course, everybody was too distracted by her screams to notice that the walls WERE closing in, and seconds later they were squished as flat as dried toads on a freeway.

TAILS: I don't know if I can take any more of these metaphors.

She started to tumble backwards.

TAILS: She landed in a bubbling pit of coffee, left there by Chaos' foes.

SONIC: Their plan was that Chaos would turn into such a nerve case that he would be unable to deal with any resistance.

[Knuckles pretends to be Chaos with a caffine high, and runs around the theater, laughing in falsetto. Unfortunately, they are all on a caffine high, and this behavior is normal.]
 

      Knuckles caught her at the last second. "Thank you," she murmured. She was not unconscious, but close to it.
      "Sonic", he grumbled as he hoisted the tall yellow hedgehog over Slasher's back, "why didn't you TELL me your sister
      was claustrophobic when I first started dating her?"

SONIC: Hey! This is promoting inter-species dating! That was outlawed by the Mobian Convention of 3200!

(Author's note: Yes, you heard that right. Species, schmecies...if a
      hedgehog can date a squirrel, then...)

TAILS: Well, Sonic?

SONIC: Hey, that's Archie-only. In the games, I only have Amy, and she's a hedgehog, right?

AMY: [Over the loudspeaker] Oh, SONIC! You really MEAN IT??

[Sonic slouches low in his seat as Tails and Knuckles laugh like hyenas.]

      Sonic shrugged. "You didn't ask."
      Meanwhile, the others were all heading towards the greenish glow--including Dash, who had to be dragged. "Pity HE
      didn't collapse", muttered Knuckles.

SONIC: [still slouched] No argument there, the pitiful usurper ...

      Then the blue hedgehog and the red echidna scrambled to catch up. It was nearing the end of the line.

KNUCKLES: Heaven help us, a pun. Look what's next.

TAILS: THE END OF THE LINE!

SONIC: Stop yelling, will you?

KNUCKLES: Speaking of yelling, what happened to the Alien Lawyers?

[They look around, and find the Aliens slumped in their seats, eyes glazed and mouths sagging open, staring at the screen. Apparently the mind-numbing properties of the fic have worked.]

SONIC: Wow. They didn't riff at all, and look what happened to them! What do we do with them?

TAILS: Wrap them in Red Tape, of course.

[Rolls of Red Tape are procured from one of the fanfic's plot holes, and the aliens are neatly wrapped and laid in a corner like valentine's day mummies. On the way back to their seats, Sonic cracks a coffee-induced joke.]

SONIC: Look! It's the Three Spies and The Horse Who Will Also Be A Spy!

KNUCKLES: Puh-LEEZE don't mention that movie. It was even more mind-numbing than this fic.

TAILS: Anything from RBTV always is. [Really Bad Television].

      Meanwhile in Robotropolis...

SONIC: Robotnik watched The Three Spies and The Horse Who--

[Knuckles slugs him.]

      "Robo-Knuckles, I have a mission for you," said Robotnik to the gleaming deadly red mechanoid.

KNUCKLES: Dude, it's me!

ROBO KNUX: Actually, it's me.

TAILS: Good grief! Where'd HE come from??

SONIC: A plot hole, of course. Robotnik has stockpiles of plotholes for just such an occasion.

"Metal Sonic, a
      suspicious bat that works for those no-good Freedom Fighters,

TAILS: So now Metal Sonic is a suspicious bat.

and another one of my employers have disappeared
      mysteriously into some kind of void.

KNUCKLES: [as Lumina] Yes?

I need you to find them and bring them all back here. Now, I have built a machine
      that can

SONIC: Open cans.

KNUCKLES: Convert a rotten "Sonic Beats Robotnik" story into a Jane Austen.

TAILS: Whoa, somebody should run that machine on Sonic Adventure 2's plot.

teleport you to another dimension, but whether it will be the same as the one they went to I do not know.

SONIC: Gee, that's helpful.

You
      will be its first subject as I don't have time to test it. I also don't know how safe this machine is to use. Do you
      understand?"

TAILS: Translation: You, poor fool, are going to be my guinea pig, as my own guinea pig died yesterday. If you survive, you get this commemorative mechanical pencil.

      The robot nodded.
      "Good", said the hugely fat evil genius. "Step over here and get onto this platform."
      The robot did as it was instructed.
      "Pull that lever!" said Robotnik to one of his lesser robots. It scrambled to obey him.

KNUCKLES: Hey, the teleporter worked!

TAILS: Sort of.

SONIC: [in the alien voice from Galaxy Quest] It turned inside out ... and exploded.

      A strange halo of light appeared around Robo-Knux,

SONIC: He was transformed into Robo Angel.

and he would have started to feel strange had he had ordinary
      nerve endings and tissues

TAILS: In case he sneezes.

like a living being. As it was, his visual sensors processed that some unusual photon
      phenomena were occurring, particularly in the ultraviolet range, but other than that he felt nothing. Then a second ring of
      light appeared around him, this one going vertically. Then a third and fourth, at diagonal angles, so that he looked like
      the diagram of an atom. Then he began to disappear.

SONIC: Ooo, they must have done that one at Industrial Light and Magic!

      First he turned into just a flat representation of himself. Then that flat picture squished into a tall red line. Then that line
      folded in upon itself from both ends until it was nothing but a tiny dot and then even that disappeared.

KNUCKLES: It's the line that was Robo Knux before it folded in on itself.

SONIC: Here lies A Killer Robot. He was turned from 3D to 2D to 1D and vanished.

TAILS: What comes after that? 0D? What would that look like?

SONIC: It'd look 0DD. Get it? Odd! [He falls out of the chair laughing as Tails and Knuckles stare at him.]

      Robo Knux ended up in the same dimension as the others had, all right. He knew that instantly because his sensors
      were registering

SONIC: A very bad smell.

a Mobian bat and a

KNUCKLES: Screwdriver.

powerful energy source nearby.
      But what Robotnik hadn't known was that the energy fields of the transporter would have a strange effect on the
      brain-waves of any robot entering it.

TAILS: In other words, he was now insane.

      In other words, Robo-Knux was now insane.

SONIC: DUDE! Look at that, Tails! You riffed the next line without seeing it! What are you, psychic?

TAILS: I have E-S-P-N.

      Not COMPLETELY off the deep end, mind you.

KNUCKLES: He was still floundering around in the 4-foot end.

Just an...enhancing of some of his buried emotions. His original did
      NOT like Metal Sonic's original; that had now been exaggerated into an INTENSE hatred of Metal Sonic himself.
      One of them must DIE, thought Robo Knux as he headed towards his hated metallic rival's hiding place.

SONIC: ALL RIGHT! World Robot Wrestling Federation Smackdown! Grab a chair! Put him through a table!

[All watch in glee as Robo Knux attacks Mecha and tries to tear out his eyes. Mecha grabs a metal chair out of a plothole and makes a large dent in Robo Knux's head. Robo Knux knocks Mecha down, climbs up on the ropes, and jumps off on him. POW! Mecha bends in the middle and struggles to his feet, half his body crushed. Mecha grabs RK by the dreadlocks and smashes him through a table, which splinters, while Robo Knux regains his feet, pulls a giant carp from a plothole, and begins to beat Mecha about the head with it ...]

[Hours later]

KNUCKLES: This is getting boring. They're both still at it and this is the fifty-sixth round!

SONIC: All we have to do is knock out the ref, and they can use their special attacks.

TAILS: Do it, please.

[Sonic sneaks up on the referee and knocks him in the head with a table leg, which is lying among the debris outside the ring. The ref collapses, and the crowd goes wild. At once the battered robots straighten up, arm their weapons, and blast each other with rockets, lasers, plasma, nalpalm, and every other bizarre weapon they have in their arsenals. When the smoke clears, there is nothing left of either robot but their feet, connected to burned-off stumps.]

[Without ado, the fic continues.]

One of them
      must never leave this dimension.

KNUCKLES: And now they never will, because they blew each other up. Hey Tails, toss me a leg, I want to keep it as a souvenir.

      He had completely forgotten his mission...

SONIC: Because it was impossible.

TAILS: What's left of a ring after two killer robots are finished with a deathmatch.

"QUICK! CLOSE THE PORTAL!" shouted Tash, working at the controls furiously.

KNUCKLES: [As Tash] I don't want the Governess to find out I've got a PS2 in here!

He heard a roar... some kind of
      giant creature.. from beyond the portal! "What the heck is that... a dinosaur?" asked Jarod. He looked at the portal...

SONIC: At once a snarling Spinosaurus reached through and chomped him.

it
      looked like water was leaking through from the target time... "Where'd water come from?" asked Tash.

KNUCKLES: They had installed a screen door to their submarine.

Suddenly,
      another figure stepped through. A woman in a veil... the Governess.

TAILS: Ooo. She's from the Middle East.

Tash's jaw fell open. "How'd you get back
      through?" he asked her. "The.. the portal was above ground level! You can't have climbed through! You should be
      trapped.." "Shut up,

SONIC: Trash.

Tash." growled the Governess. "Before I left, I took my latest treasure with me." She grinned, and
      held up Jarod's emerald fragment.

KNUCKLES: Don't make me tell you what happened to the LAST female who took emeralds from me.

SONIC: Are you sure? What if she says that all the world's gems are hers to keep?

"My pet monster gave me a

TAILS: Backrub.

-ehem- LIFT." she giggled. "After the rebellion of

KNUCKLES: The Last Alliance of Rubber Chickens and Plastic Pointy Ears.

      Jeeves, I figured it quite possible that another of you would try and trick me.. that's why I never leave home without it!"
      The water, still seeping through the portal, began to morph and change shape, into some sort of animal.

SONIC: It became the Blue Power Ranger.

"Tash, unless
      you agree to take us to the correct time, I'm afraid I shall have to

SONIC: Eat all the cheesecake while you watch.

bring the wrath of my monster upon you." Tash
      grinned. "I'm your only mechanic.. what are you going to do if you kill me?" The Governess grinned.

TAILS: [as the Governess] Never think you're indespensible, indisposable, inaccessable, invincible, invulnerable, inpregnable, or incomprehensible, because you're not.

SONIC: [staring] ..... what?

"Quite true, Tash.
      -ehem- Monster, please grab the hippie echidna for me."

[Knuckles shrieks with laughter]

"NO!" shouted Tash. The chaos monster produced a long
      liquid arm,

TAILS: From out of its magic hat.

and grabbed Jarod by the leg. The Governess grinned.

SONIC: Because a minute later the monster also produced a white rabbit, a bunch of pigeons and a white rat.

"Time for hurties!" The Chaos monster produced
      something like a giant knife, and suddenly but violently stabbed it deep into Jarod's leg.

KNUCKLES: The perfect murder weapon. Once you're done, it melts.

TAILS: I thought that was an icicle.

SONIC: Who ever heard of anyone being murdered with an icicle?

TAILS: Nobody, because the weapon was never found.

The echidna wailed in terror.

KNUCKLES: He felt no pain from such trivialities as being stabbed with the Perfect Weapon.

      Chaos retracted the knife, and waited for the command to strike again.

TAILS: Chaos Strikes Back, Episode 2.

SONIC: Chaos Strikes Again.

KNUCKLES: Chaos Strikes Out, The Story of Water and Baseball.

"HE'S INNOCENT, YOU INSANE B***H!"
      screamed Tash.

TAILS: Hey, I can say that. "You insane bee asterick asterick asterick H!"

KNUCKLES: Psst. That's misspelled.

He leaped out of his chair, but one of the Governess' soldiers pushed him back. The Governess
      laughed. "That must be quite painful... do you want to see it again?"

SONIC: She was giving him the choice between death and watching Mystery Men.

TAILS: I'd take death.

Tash, tears forming, shook his head.

KNUCKLES: He would, too.

"Then warp
      me and my soldiers to

SONIC: Taco Bell.

the CORRECT time frame, and you won't have to!" Jarod shook his head. "Don't do it, Mr. T!
      I..I can take the pain!" He tried to hide the fact that he was wincing in pain.

KNUCKLES: Cue the melodramatic music.

[The lights flash on, and we see Knuckles, Tails and Sonic playing violins and a piano in the background.]

Tash began to cry, as he worked at the
      controls. "He's just a child.. you maniac..." he mumbled.

[They intensify the melodramaticness of their music.]

"Oh you big baby!" mocked the Governess.

[They hit a dischord and return to their seats.]

"I warn you.. no
      more tricks! I will only command my monster to let Jarod down

TAILS: If he lets me down about that hot tip he gave me about Enron.

AFTER I know that it is the correct time... and if you
      try to trick me again, I will

KNUCKLES: Consult my pocketwatch.

command my monster to CUT OFF HIS ENTIRE LEG!"

SONIC: And then there will be a new flavor at Kentucky Fried Chicken: Chicken That Tastes like Echidna.

Tash opened a new portal,
      draining the remainder of the electricity from Dust Hill City, and almost overloading the power generators.

KNUCKLES: But considering that the generators were the kind where a mouse runs on the little wheel, all this did was make the mice run very, very fast.

The
      Governess turned her head, and stepped through the portal. After a while, her hand went back through, and she
      clicked her fingers. The signal that the coast was clear. Her army began to step through the portal one by one, and the
      Chaos monster dropped Jarod, and returned to its crystal.

SONIC: This might actually have been better thought out than Sonic Adventure 1.

KNUCKLES: In which case I would have reassembled the Master Emerald, which reassembled Chaos, which would give him Perfect powers ... I see your point.

Tash rushed over to Jarod. "You shouldn't have done it.."
      the echidna moaned.

TAILS: [As Jarod] Now she has my hot tip about Enron, and she went to the day it goes bankrupt!

Tash tenderly tended to his wound.

KNUCKLES: And looked gleefully glee.

SONIC: And gravely grave.

TAILS: And evilly evil.

"She would have cut off your leg.." he replied. "Next, she
      might have cut off your

KNUCKLES: Other leg!

head! She's a maniac, Jarod... lets hope Sonic can straighten her out.."

SONIC: Hello, Miss Governess. This here is called The Rack.

      Dr. Robotnik rushed over the landscape in his mechanical Egg Typhoon. Suddenly, he heard a sound.

TAILS: He looked around just in time to see a huge wrecking ball swing in his direction. KER-POW!

Looking down,
      he saw some sort of portal open... someone stepped out, looked around, then reached back in, and clicked their
      fingers.

SONIC: All of which he saw with his teloscopic vision.

An army of robotic soldiers began to emerge. "Interesting..." muttered Robotnik, hovering towards the scene.

KNUCKLES: I wonder if they have any Mountain Dew on them.

      The figure turned its head.. it appeared to be a woman. Robotnik couldn't work out her species, because she wore a
      veil that covered everything other than her mouth.

SONIC: But from that veil, he gathered that she was a ninja.

She wore a long casual dress, which seemed to double as some sort
      of battle armor. Interesting technology...

TAILS: Don't go near her! She's the chick from Hidden Tiger Crouching Dragon!

SONIC: You got the title wrong again.

She smiled, and walked over to the Doc. "Excuse me sir.." she said. "Yes.."
      replied Robotnik, one eyebrow raised.

KNUCKLES: And then she decked him.

"I am the Governess of Dust Hill City... and I am searching for someone.

TAILS: A programmer willing to put my level back on the map.

A
      hedgehog. A.. BLUE hedgehog. Named

KNUCKLES: Archie.

'Sonic'." "Why should I tell you?" asked Robotnik.

SONIC: [as Yoda] Much cash have I, yes. Your latest superweapon I will buy, mmm?

The Governess frowned.
      "You have spunk." she said.

TAILS: [as Robotnik] That depends.

SONIC: [as the Governess] On what?

TAILS: [As Robotnik] Whether you like spunk.

"I hate spunk.

KNUCKLES: And she decked him.

Sir, if you don't tell me, I have an entire army AND an invincible monster..

SONIC: [as Yoda] And the Eclipse Cannon I have leased, yes. Planets for blowing up it is made!

      BOTH would like nothing better than to rip your limbs off, and tie them in knots around your disembodied spine."

TAILS: Oh, I saw that one. There was this movie on last night--

SONIC: Okay, I'm locking your door at night from now on.

      Robotnik laughed. "Not much of a way for a lady to speak!" he mocked. The Governess grinned. "WHO'S a lady?"

KNUCKLES: She pulled off her veil to reveal ...

SONIC: AUSTEN POWERS!!

TAILS: Groovay baybay, yeah!

      she asked. Robotnik pointed to the north. "Sonic lives in a village, somewhere in that area. I believe it's called
      Knothole.

SONIC: It's a real hole in the wall.

If you find him, tie an extra limb around his spine.. for me." He smiled, and

KNUCKLES: She decked him.

took off in the direction he was
      heading before. "Right! On to Not Hole!" the Governess yelled,

SONIC: Why not Nether Hole?

TAILS: Or Nutterbutter?

KNUCKLES: If it's not a hole, what is it?

SONIC: A donut!

pronouncing the village's name badly. They began to
      head in that direction....

KNUCKLES: But they fell through a plothole on the way and were never heard from again.

TAILS: Except that in a distant galaxy, a bunch of people appeared out of nowhere and were sucked into a nearby sun.

SONIC: A rail! Watch me grind it! [He tries to grind it and falls on his face]

TAILS: Good going, grace.

SONIC: Ooooh! Call a medic before this pulpy mess starts hurting!

KNUCKLES: Let me finish my popcorn.

SONIC: Oh, wait. I had a banana in my pocket.

Pip shook her head and looked around, still bewildered from the sudden dimension change. She seemed to be in a

TAILS: Super-class Star Destroyer.

      dark place, but her super-sensitive hearing made out the sounds of

KNUCKLES: Attacking zombies.

two other people moving around somewhere
      nearby. "Where am I?" she asked, rising to her feet gingerly,

TAILS: Or nutmegly or basilly or onionly or ...

not wanting to hit her head on anything.

      "Where are YOU? Where am I?" a familiar voice demanded.

SONIC: A rhetorical question.

KNUCKLES: So she decked him.

      "We are in a cave," yet another voice stated in a metallic monotone, and two red crescent-eyes flicked on, shedding a
      blood-red glow on the topic.

TAILS: And the text.

SONIC: Ooo, a blood-red glow!

METAL SONIC: I thought you'd like it.

KNUCKLES: Dude! You can hear us?

[Metal Sonic is looking out of the fic at the MSTies in the theater.]

METAL SONIC: Of course. Get me out of this fic! Please! Hurry!

SONIC: Sorry dude, we're stuck here, too.

METAL SONIC: Drat. Reverting programming to I Don't Care So Don't Talk To Me Mode.

In the light of Mecha's eyes, Pip saw that Vlad was standing nearby, staring about him
      with the air of one who has been picked up and hurled through dimensions.

TAILS: Gee, I wonder if he's been picked up and hurled through dimensions?

      "What is this place?" Pip asked, still feeling as if the world were tilting up at odd angles.

KNUCKLES: She was in a Picasso painting.

SONIC: Pip the Bat, by Picasso. A preposterously ponderous and poorly porportioned piece of pot pie.

TAILS: What about, Pip the Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, but if Pip the Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, whatever happend to the peck of pickled peppers that Pip the Piper picked?

      Mecha, knowing they were many miles from Robotropolis, at least, decided that for a moment he could aid his
      enemies, and flicked on the headlight in his forehead.

SONIC: [hums the Inspector Gadget theme]

The beam illuminated a cave with pale limestone

TAILS: Pews.

walls, and in one
      corner was constructed a

KNUCKLES: Bathtub.

shrine with a low pedestal. The pedestal was empty, however, and there was no sound
      beyond

TAILS: The chomping sound of millions of tiny jaws working at their feet and legs.

what they made themselves.
      "I suggest we take that passage over there," the robot said calmly, "and follow the main tunnel out."

KNUCKLES: [as Mecha] It leads to a casino. We're on the island where they hoaxed--I mean, filmed--the first Survivor.

      "What passage?" asked Vlad, looking at the wall indicated. "Poor Mecha, the dimension change has made him see
      things!"

SONIC: Like that casino over there. I only see a limo.

TAILS: But there's a mad bee trapped in the limo.

SONIC: Stop, look, listen hard--this is why a character hires a bodyguard--fear draws 'em, don't let it show ...

TAILS: [singing] Driver there's a bee trapped in the limo!

KNUCKLES: That's actually a SONG?

      With a condescending look in the bat's direction, Mecha walked up to the wall and kicked a hole right through it.

SONIC: *yawn* NetRaptor obviously read Tombs of Anak far too many times. This phrase appears in many fanfics.

      "As I was saying," Vlad said without missing a beat, "the dimension change has made him see things better than ever!"

TAILS: A CASINO! I SEE IT, TOO!

[The camera pans back and shows a huge, glittering casino with Casinopolis on a sign above it.]

SONIC: I got dibs on the Nights Card and Pinball!

[He rushes at the screen, but hits the glass and falls over. Tails runs at the glass, too, but manages to squeeze into the screen and runs off to the casino in the distance.]

SONIC: Tails! Get back here! You're underage! Uh ... how did he do that?

KNUCKLES: Easy. [Knuckles reaches into a plothole, yanks out Tails, and tosses him back in his seat.]

TAILS: Aw maaaaan! Why'd you do that? I was winning at Russian Roulette!

KNUCKLES: Did you pull the trigger yet?

TAILS: No ...

KNUCKLES: Then you hadn't won yet.

SONIC: What in the world is Russian Roulette?

TAILS: Umm ... not telling.

TAILS: The line on a waveform program right before the mp3 comes on.

      The two turkeys, Floyd and Basil,

KNUCKLES: And Tails, who had been playing Russian Roulette ...

SONIC: What IS it? C'mon, tell me!

were running through the woods in the direction of the dig with what looked like a
      tidal wave sweeping along at their heels.

TAILS: Wait a minute--it IS a tidal wave!

SONIC: They had broken the dough-boy wall again.

A red light came from Floyd's backpack--the light of two angry red eyes in
      the skull.

KNUCKLES: Hey, it's Murray!

MURRAY: I'm a demonic talking skull! I am all of your worst nightmares come to life! Let's hear you scream in terror!

SONIC: Eek.

MURRAY: BWAHAHAHAAAA!!

TAILS: You'd look great with a melting candle on your forehead.

MURRAY: You're mocking me, aren't you?

Somehow it knew where they were going, and was hissing softly, "Yess, yess ... keep going, my precious
      idiots.

SONIC: [as Gollum] We wants it, yes my precious, we wants our birthday present!

You are going straight to the cave that contains my

TAILS: Stereo set and five subwoofers.

shrine ... and there I will repay you for this outrage ..."

KNUCKLES: Because I will play VAN HALEN!

As it
      spoke, Chaos lifted a glob of water from his shapeless form and

TAILS: Swigged a beer.

looked with liquid eyes toward the backpack. An
      instant later it sank back into itself--it was painful for it to

KNUCKLES: Lower its surface tension by consuming large amounts of alcohol.

look upon the world of solid things for very long.

SONIC: Line break! Tails, you'd better tell me what Russian Roulette is before I strangle you.

TAILS: Well, see, you put one bullet in a pistol, and spin the chamber, and put it to your head and pull the trigger. If you don't kill yourself, you win!

[Sonic slumps in his chair and mouths wordlessly at Tails in complete shock.]

KNUCKLES: At least it wasn't German Roulette. You put in five bullets and leave out one.

TAILS: I was going to play that one next. The stakes were a lot higher.

[Sonic gibbers and faints.]

      Thorn, meanwhile, had just come upon the entrance to the cave--or, what had been the entrance. It was now covered
      by a

TAILS: Large rosebush.

huge stone slab, solid and impenetrable. She stood and stared at it

KNUCKLES: With all five eyes.

in exasperation for a moment. Another obstacle.
      She put her hands on her hips and shook her hair out of her eyes. Well, if the front door was closed, there was
      probably an open window somewhere.

KNUCKLES: People who live in caves never lock up properly.

She set off along the hillside, scanning the cliff for weaknesses.

TAILS: [in an Australian accent] They were testing the fences for weaknesses, systematically. They remember.

      Her practiced eyes caught a fine crack in the cliff face.

KNUCKLES: If I had been there, it would have been a secret area with some shovel claws hidden in it.

[Sonic groans and comes to.]

SONIC: Tails, don't you EVER play with a gun again as LONG as you LIVE!

TAILS: What about high-powered Cyclone-mounted rockets?

SONIC: Those are fine. But NO HANDGUNS!

It did not appear to go anywhere, but she had messed with
      quarrying in her own universe, and knew a fault line when she saw one.

KNUCKLES: It's handy when those odd hobbies come into play.

SONIC: My oddest hobby is collecting old bricks.

TAILS: You collect old bricks?

SONIC: Sure! So far I have three. Want to see them?

She climbed up the cliff on hands and knees,
      pulled out her gun and hammered at the crack with the butt.

SONIC: [straight face] This move is known as the butt-stomp.

To her surprise, after a few blows, there was a cracking
      sound, and the entire area caved inward.

[Knuckles and Tails are trying unsuccessfully to keep a straight face, and at this point they break into side-splitting laughter.]

She was thrown down and partially buried in the rubble,

TAILS: BRINK! Boston, he's dead!

but kicked her way
      free and climbed to her feet.

SONIC: Good thing this is Thorn and not Amy. Amy would have laid there and squealed that she was mortally injured.

She stood in a room with a

KNUCKLES: Clock radio.

tunnel leading away into

SONIC: Blue smog.

darkness. The collapsed wall behind
      her let in a good deal of

TAILS: Bats.

light, and she could see quite well. Her ears caught a faint whisper of

TAILS: A voice saying, "I vant to suck your BLOOD!"

voices, echoing along the
      passage. Excellent. She set off in search of them without a

KNUCKLES: Flashlight, and a few minutes later careened over a cliff and fell into a huge pit of lava.

thought.

SONIC: Falling into the same pit of lava that Thorn had just found.

pointing. The others looked about and immediately noticed the

TAILS: Wide-screen TV.
 

      glowing green gem in the far corner of the

KNUCKLES: Rec room.

cave. Knuckles's eyes lit up with an odd light

SONIC: They turned yellow as his robot programming took over.

TAILS: [droning] I am Knucklehead the Idiot. I am here to destroy the Master Emerald whenever danger threatens--

[Knuckles decks him]

--his lust to hoard all the power
      emeralds suddenly came to life. He broke into a

KNUCKLES: Jewelry store and swiped all the gold rings and emeralds.

run in the direction of the gem, even as Dash cried, "No, stop! The
      floor--"

SONIC: Is made of thousands of wriggling snakes!

TAILS: Is a holographic projection displayed over a spike pit!

KNUCKLES: Is a thin skin coating over the vast maw of a nzxthznm, a giant flesh-eating monster that guards ancient treasure!

      The echidna stumbled, gave a yelp and

SONIC: Was devoured in one ghastly bite.

TAILS: Dash was the next to go, followed by all the serts, and was washed down with Chaos Soda.

KNUCKLES: Beware of Dog.

vanished from sight into a hole in the middle of the floor.

      "--is rigged," Dash finished.

      "Don't, stop, come back," Sonic muttered as they all rushed to the hole and peered in ...
 

KNUCKLES [as himself] Hey, there's an old TV in here with a Saturn hooked up to it!

SONIC: Dude! I want to play Nights!

TAILS: Shove it, I'm gonna play Burning Rangers, I love that game!

KNUCKLES: I had the controller first!

SONIC: Yeah, but I have the controller that's plugged in.

[The house lights go up.]

TAILS: AW MAAAAN! I didn't get to play!

KNUCKLES: That's the first time any of us were dissappointed a segment was over.

SONIC: Not me! We've got a Gamecube set up in the main room. Dibs!

[They flee the theater.]

[Commercials.]

there's nothing here but the end of the MiST. could there be another?