SONIC: Like I'd ever, EVER play a game with Amy Rose. She'd spread it around that I was dating her. Ha.

*The door opens, and Tails and Knuckles troop in bearing boxes of goodies and a six-pack of cream soda.*

SONIC: Well well, look who's here. What's all that junk?

*Knuckles sets his armload down and takes a seat.*

KNUCKLES: We had to get away from Amy. She was trying to get us to play Space Channel 5 with her.

TAILS: Yeah, either that or Chu Chu Rocket. That has got to be THE most boring game in the world.

SONIC: Hey, don't knock a Sonic Team game. Besides, it's fun.

TAILS: Not with Amy it isn't. Here Sonic, have a donut.

SONIC: Naw, not a jelly donut. They always remind me of giant bugs--you bite into them and their purple guts spill out the other end.

*Knuckles and Tails look at each other*

KNUCKLES: I don't believe I want any more of these just now, thanks.

TAILS: Me neither. Maybe after the movie.

Times of Chaos, page 2

SONIC: Yeah, watching Al Gore trying to win the election.

KNUCKLES: [as Florida] First we got Gored, and now we're Bushed!

Author guide:

TAILS: Just in case we forgot who we were riffing. Do you guys remember these idiots?

SONIC: Not really, never met them personally.

KNUCKLES: Looks like we get a reintroduction.

NetRaptor = red

SONIC: There's that stalker. What sick person would call themself a 'raptor'?

Shax the Raptor = green

TAILS: Raptor the Hut, obviously.

Xeroxus = blue

KNUCKLES: Um, really, I can't think of anything original to say. [He swigs a cream soda]

SONIC: Yeah, we used up all our good riffs when we did this before.

Captain Chaotica = pink

TAILS: Did you know her favorite person is Amy?

SONIC: Great. SHE can go play Space Channel 5 with her.

Pip the Bat = orange

KNUCKLES: I've never seen an orange bat, myself.

SONIC: I've never seen a red echidna.

TAILS: And I've never seen a blue hedgehog.

SONIC: Help! We don't exist!

Vector = yellow

TAILS: Or a yellow crocodile.

SONIC: Actually, he's green.

TAILS: Then why is his text yellow?

KNUCKLES: So it'll show up in this dark theater. See how dark it is in here?

SONIC: That's because you're wearing shades.

SONIC: Are DVDs really that long?

KNUCKLES: Maybe I'm thinking of laserdisks.

TAILS: Are laserdisks that long?

KNUCKLES: I donno, I've never seen one.

SONIC: What a dumb conversation.

The Governess turned the

TAILS: Sledgehammer.

jewel that Jarod had given her around and around in her

SONIC: Toes. She was an ape in disguise.

hands. It had been so long since

KNUCKLES: She had brushed her teeth.

      she'd seen a live, working Chaos Emerald. In the olden days, they'd had tons of them

SONIC: More proof that Chaos Emeralds exist by the truckload, instead of only a rare 7.

TAILS: It's too difficult to write, anyway.

--but now, they were all, or
      mostly, gone,

KNUCKLES: On a cruise to Hawaii.

and so was the shield that protected the city with it.

SONIC: Was it a flame shield or a lightning shield?

KNUCKLES: You know, I missed those things in Sonic Adventure.

TAILS: I guess they just didn't translate well in 3D. The lightning shield looked neat, though.

In fact, it was the loss of that shield that allowed the

TAILS: IRS to locate them.

SONIC: After that, death was instanious.

Freedom Fighters to find her city, and...well...but that was history. Now Dust Hill had returned to the horribly
inhospitable place it had once been, the Chaos Energy that used to protect, hide, and power it nearly gone.

KNUCKLES: What, you were expecting yellow spandex?

It was 130
      degrees in the shade in the summer, clearly uninhabitable by furry people;

SONIC: I resemble that.

TAILS: I'm not furry! I'm just ... wearing a heavy jacket! Yeah!

KNUCKLES: Where is this place anyway, Death Valley?

SONIC: If not there, then it must be somewhere else in California.

TAILS: Why not Texas?

citizens kept dying of heatstroke until the
      underground tunnels had been completed.

SONIC: The catacombs were built because they had to bury all those dead people somehow.

The intense heat had made the old styles completely impractical; hardly any
      echidnas wore their head-spines in the long, dramatic locks that was the fashion 50 years ago.

KNUCKLES: HEY! Are you saying I'm out of style? I like my hair! And it's not hot!

SONIC: Ha, I know you. When it gets hot, you don't even go outside. You sit under the air conditioning all day.

KNUCKLES: What's wrong with that?

Hence Jarod's
      unusualness...

TAILS: Wearing your shoes on your ears is always unusual.

      But of course, they had HAD to destroy the Chaos Emeralds...why, no-one must ever know...

SONIC: Why? Does it ever say?

KNUCKLES: It might. I haven't watched all of this.

TAILS: But then again, this might be another plot hole.

      She shook herself out of her reverie as there came a soft, hesitant knock on the door. She sighed. "Yes, Jeeves, what
      is it?"

SONIC: [as Jeeves] Miss, a package has just arrived for you in the mail.

TAILS: [As the Governess] Oh boy, bring it in! How lovely, a Christmas present!

SONIC: And then the box blew apart, killing everbody in the room! It was a mail bomb from some of her admirers.

KNUCKLES: And now it's over, let's go home now.

      "Your Excellency," came the voice of the timid little echidna from behind the door, "Sonic the Hedgehog has been

KNUCKLES: Squished.

TAILS: Baked in a waffle iron.

SONIC: HEY!

      arrested."

SONIC: Actually, that's worse.

      That was easy, thought the Governess.

TAILS: [As the Governess] He must not have won all the chaos emeralds before taking on the Death Egg.

"I don't believe you. He couldn't have been captured that easily, that quickly!
      SHOW me."

KNUCKLES: I have to see him with my own ears.

SONIC: [In a 20's gangster accent] Okay boss, we'll show him to yuh, and we won't let him get on yur noives, neither!

TAILS: C'mon, don't do Hank the Cowdog, not him, please ...

      "Yes, your excellency," said Jeeves.

SONIC: "But just remember, you asked for it," said Jeeves as he hit her in the face with a cream pie.

"Shall I bring you a monitor?"
      She shook her head, then reminded herself that he could not see her doing that, through the door.

TAILS: Not everybody had X-ray vision, like she did.

KNUCKLES: One of the benefits of being a mutant.

SONIC: Hey, does that mean that Superman was really one of the X-men? And what about Spiderman?

TAILS: Different writers, I think.

SONIC: Come to think of it, are WE mutants?

KNUCKLES: Come off it, you're only making me depressed.

"No. I want to see
      Sonic the Hedgehog in jail, IN PERSON."

TAILS: [in a 20's gangster accent] Okay, boss.

Ignoring the startled protests of her astonished butler, she pulled a

KNUCKLES: Bazooka.

full-face
      mask out of her drawer and put it on. Another marvel of the Echidna-People's technology, it was molded and textured
      to look EXACTLY like real skin; you couldn't tell it was fake at all.

TAILS: And then Hollyweird stole it and used it repeatedly in the Mission: Impossible movies, where the villain pulls off four or five masks before revealing his identity.

SONIC: Look, I'm Silver Sonic! No, I'm Mecha Sonic! No, I'm Metal Sonic! No, I'm plain Sonic! No, I'm KNUCKLES! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!!

In this case, it was made to look like the
      Governess' original face before...well...

KNUCKLES: It had been shredded in a horrible accident involving a loose door on a shark cage.

      "Shall we go?" she said, coming out the door on her own, which almost made the poor little guy faint.

TAILS: [as Jeeves] AAAUGH! Don't jump out of the crypt like that!

He rallied bravely
      though, and, with two large thug guards trailing behind,

SONIC: Where did those thugs come from?

KNUCKLES: Ever notice how the villain always has a thug or two handy whenever they need them? How come the good guys never have any thugs?

SONIC: Knux, a lot of times, in modern fanfiction, the good guys ARE thugs.

began to lead the Governess to the Dust Hill City jail house. No
      need, she'd been there often enough herself, before...but she did not feel like taking the lead just at the moment.

SONIC: Odd, she'd never felt like that before. She must be tired from the lengthy execution session of the day before.

TAILS: No wonder all the people hated her.

      As they went, Jeeves was thinking to himself...

KNUCKLES: I wonder how much it would cost to get my oil changed and that leak patched in my tank.

thinking about how the Governess had basically FORCED him into her
      service by threatening to kill his family...and then they had mysteriously all died in that "accidental" fire a few weeks
      later, anyway.

TAILS: Look, a minor character with a story.

SONIC: Ho hum, another of those 'forced into servitude' things.

Or HAD it been an accident?

SONIC: Ah ha! Call the National Inquirer at once!

Sure, in this hot desert things did catch on fire easily, BUT...

KNUCKLES: Don't look at me.

SONIC: If you're looking for perfection.

TAILS: Don't look at me.

SONIC: I will only let you down.

KNUCKLES: Stop that!

      They descended into the tunnels that most of the city was packed into now. All around them sickly children were
      playing and angry adults were chanting.

TAILS: Feed the echidnas, tuppence a bag ...

KNUCKLES: Ack! Stop it with the singing!

The tunnels were horrendously crowded, and almost everyone except for the
      very very wealthy lived in squalid conditions. The Governess bowed her head so that her long head-spines could
      conceal her face a little better. Idiot! she thought to herself.

SONIC: I should have asked for Carls Jr. and not McDonalds.

I should have worn a DIFFERENT mask...I knew they
      hated me but I had no idea it was this bad...

TAILS: Some ruler. She doesn't even know how the people live?

KNUCKLES: She's an idiot, all right.

      However, they reached the jailhouse after a few minutes without incident.

SONIC: Darn. I was hoping for a violent mug scene.

Jeeves led the Governess down a dimly-lit,
      filthy-smelling, narrow corridor, so narrow that only one person could pass through at a time. After all, if the
      echidna-people could barely afford to keep their ordinary citizens alive comfortably, they certainly couldn't waste tax
      dollars on luxuries such as breathing-room for their criminals.

TAILS: Doesn't that violate an Evil Overlord law?

SONIC: Wow, how'd you link those words like that?

TAILS: I ate a bunch of a sausage links.

      "Here he is, your excellency," he told her. "Sonic the Hedgehog, in jail at last."

SONIC: Heck. Tails, give me a cream soda. I need to drown my sorrows.

KNUCKLES: We've got some chips over here.

TAILS: I want some of those, don't eat 'em all.

      And so he was. In jail, that is.

SONIC: When the toast is burned, and all the milk has turned, and Captain Crunch is waving farewell, when the big one finds you, may this song remind you that they don't serve breakfast in ...

KNUCKLES: I mean it, sing one more song, and I'm gonna pound you.

      But so was Jarod, for some strange reason.
      And NEITHER of them was actually in a cell, per se--they were both FREE!

SONIC: I thought they just said I was in jail!

TAILS: They did. You were standing in the cell block, but you weren't locked up.

KNUCKLES: I can see the author's brain working from here.

SONIC: Only because your brain works exactly the same.

      "It's a trick!!" she screamed at Jeeves, insane with rage.

KNUCKLES: She immediately leaped at the walls, ripped out several bricks with her teeth, broke some iron bars, injured several bystanders, and was shut into a loony bin for the rest of her life.

How could Jeeves, weak, incompetent, frail little Jeeves, have
      the nerve to betray her like this?! "YOU TRICKED ME!! HOW DARE YOU!! GUARDS!!"

TAILS: PLAY BRITTANY SPEARS UNTIL THEY BEG FOR MERCY!

SONIC: [as a guard] What song?

TAILS: Oops, I did it again.

KNUCKLES: I'm warning you ...

TAILS: I didn't actually SING it ...

But Jarod and Sonic,
      the elderly silver-furred hedgehog still tough as nails, were already beating up the two personal bodyguards she had
      brought with her.

SONIC: What did I say? Most good guys are thugs.

TAILS: Speak for yourself. I'm the Mobian equivilant of Anakin Skywalker.

KNUCKLES: When are you going to go over to the Dark Side?

TAILS: I said I was the equivilent, I didn't say I was him.

      The sound of many heavy, booted feet could be heard tramping down the corridor.
      And Jeeves? He was nowhere to be found...

SONIC: He had been eaten by the Governess's vicious piranha poodles.

KNUCKLES: We're going green now!

TAILS: Ahhh! Does that mean there's a tornado?

KNUCKLES: It's just an expression.

[The Windy Valley: Tornado music plays as the color changes]

The Governess was completely shocked..

SONIC: Where did that music come from?

KNUCKLES: If either of you did it, I'm gonna pound you.

TAILS: Sorry, I can't sing in multiple instruments.

SONIC: Me neither.

Jarod, Jeeves and Sonic.. all part of a terrible scheme to trick her.. but she
      wasn't licked yet.

TAILS: Her pet dog hadn't been around today.

Huddled in a corner, she saw her guards being beaten to a pulp by the three. (Well, two. Jeeves
      didn't have the fighting spirit.)

KNUCKLES: Hey! It just said Jeeves was nowhere to be seen!

But the other two... The Governess' mask was half torn off, and she used her hair to
      cover the ugly parts of her face.

SONIC: This is one of those fights where you don't really see the action.

TAILS: Pretty effective, if you ask me.

She tried to get away, but she was trapped in a corner.

KNUCKLES: The little rat gnawed a lump of moldy cheese in the dungeon ...

The Chaos Emerald fell out of
      her pocket, and clacked noisily on the ground. She stared at it, nearly forgetting what was going on around her. Was it
      really a Chaos Emerald? It was the wrong shape.. and green.

SONIC: Hey! When we started it, she was turning it over and over, and I assume looked at it pretty good. But now she's seeing it for the first time?

TAILS: Don't you love color changes?

SONIC: [grinning] Yeah.

It looked almost like a shard of a bigger gem.. perhaps
      the Master Emerald.

KNUCKLES: Oh no ... this is bringing back bad memories.

No.. the Master was so far away.

KNUCKLES: Tell me about it. Do you know how BIG Station Square is when you're looking for little bits of colored glass?

But the Governess recalled the legend of another giant gem.. a
      copy of the Master... they belonged to a group of three emeralds, which represented the legacies of the Chaos, Master
      and Time stones...

TAILS: Do I sense a plug for this author's fanfiction?

SONIC: This is why this story was considered so much fun by all the authors. They got to blend their continuities together and plot holes didn't really matter.

KNUCKLES: Hey, I'm the one who's supposed to know all the background stuff.

As she stared and thought, the emerald began to glow green.

TAILS: No duh, it actually glowed orange.

Could she use it to save her life?

SONIC: No, Clarence Clown can't.

She
      picked it up, and aimed it at the attackers, hoping that something would happen.

KNCUKLES: The emerald leaped from her hand at once, sprouting enormous fangs and slavering jaws. It attacked her enemies, and in two bites the rebellion was stopped forever.

And that it did... it wasn't good.
      Nothing terrible at first, just dripping.

TAILS: But I thought this is the stone you can't squeeze blood from!

SONIC: This is water, not blood. Pay attention.

She stared at the emerald as she held it out.. it was solid.. there was no way for
      water to get in, let alone out. But somehow, water was seeping through the surface.

KNUCKLES: It was an osmosis filter.

Then, it changed from a drip, to a
      waterfall. It was as if she was holding a hose.. water spurting in every direction. She frowned..

SONIC: That water was COLD!

TAILS: Ack! Turn it off, turn it off!

it wasn't much of a
      special power. But then the danger came to light.

SONIC: The danger stepped out into the spotlight, grasped the microphone, and began to sing "Stayin' Alive".

[Tails opens his mouth to contribute the music, but stops as Knuckles shakes a warning fist.]

Sonic stopped attacking, and stared in horror at the

KNUCKLES: Matchbox.

emerald in the
      Governess'

TAILS: Ear.

hand. Jarod skipped up to him. "What's da matter, Daddy-S?" he asked.

SONIC: Ugh, I can't stand him! His slang totally drives me up the wall, you know?

TAILS: Totally, dude. Let's get a pizza.

KNUCKLES: Cowabunga!

Sonic ignored the echidna, and
      stared straight at the Governess. "JAROD.." he said firmly. "Remember when I came to Dust Hill and gave you that
      emerald ten years ago?"

TAILS: A lot of time passed since we started watching this.

SONIC: Wouldn't it be more fun if all of us Sonic characters were older? I mean, we might actually have PASTS people could work with.

KNUCKLES: You know, we aren't doing a very good job of riffing this thing.

SONIC: So sue me, I'm not in a mood to be creative with my riffs.

Jarod nodded. "I gave it to you with the belief that you would NEVER give it away to
      ANYONE."

TAILS: Sonic's still his old sarcastic self in the future. :-)

SONIC: :-) isn't a word! That's a chat symbol thing! Can't you do this? [grins]

TAILS: No, too many keys to press.

SONIC: To get a smiley, you have to press "Shift" to get the colon and the parenthesy. That's six keys. The other one is only seven.

TAILS: Sonic, do I care?

Jarod stepped back. "I wanted to get my bro back, Daddy-S!

KNUCKLES: So what if we've hated each other's guts since birth?

Whaddaya want me to do?" "It's too late,
      Jarod." said Sonic, sadly. "It's too late..

TAILS: No video rental places are open this time of night.

it's back." A shadow spread across the room. Dark laughter.. voices.

SONIC: What the heck is "dark laughter"?

KNUCKLES: How you laugh in the dark. See how dark it is in here? I'll demonstrate. [He breaks into thigh-beating laughter, whooping and howling.]

      "Sooooooniiiicc.." it called. "Yoooou trapped the eeeeel aaaaaal those years agoooo.... nooow the eeeeel will have it's
      revennnnnnge..."

TAILS: [as Chaos] Soooooooonnnic, Iiiii ammm gooooinnngg to wrraaaaap myyy fiiiiingers arooooound yooour throoooat annd squeeeeeeze ....

The Governess laughed.

SONIC: Just like Knuckles just demonstrated.

KNUCKLES: It was dark down in that cell block.

"Well, Sonic! Looks like you're

TAILS: Wrapped in dough and about to be fried in a giant wok!

in a bit of trouble! That'll teach you to resist
      arrest!" Sonic turned to run...

KNUCKLES: But fell off a cliff in his haste and fell toward the farmland below, shrinking to become a tiny, noisy speck in the distance ...

SONIC: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa .....

"Daddy-S!!" Jarod screamed

TAILS: As he fell off the cliff, too.

SONIC: Daddy-SSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss......!!!

after the prisoner hedgehog, who ran fiercely away from him, to the dark cell corridors.

KNUCKLES: Then he stumbled upon one of Snape's Potions lessons.

SONIC: [As Snape] Ten points from Griffindor!

TAILS: What in the world ...?

SONIC: I finally got Knuckles to read Harry Potter! This is great!

      He quickly turned to look at the

KNUCKLES: Walking pickle.

water puddle on the cold floor,

TAILS: Quickly turning to slime.

SONIC: Jarod or the puddle?

TAILS: Both.

formed by liquid emerged from the emerald. His
      emerald... which was now held by the Governess. She was laughing insanely

[Knuckles whoops and laughs insanely, finally falling out of his chair and rolling around on the floor.]

SONIC: And I thought I had had too much sugar ...

at the running hedgehog.

      The water on the floor slowly started to crawl towards Jarod. And he realized, that it was no ordinary water.

ALL: D'OH!

Perhaps
      not water at all.

KNUCKLES: Brilliant, Einstien.

The moving puddle passed him, touching his shoes as it went, and---rushed upwards. It got a form -

TAILS: One of those credit-card forms you get in the mail.

SONIC: Chaos promptly filled it out and went on a monster shopping spree.

KNUCKLES: He went to Wal-Mart, the King Kong of department stores ...

SONIC: ... And bought enough food to feed a werewolf.

KNUCKLES: Then he went home and threw a party loud enough to wake the dead.

TAILS: Then Dracula came in and said, "Whatever happened to my Transilvanian Twist?"

[Tails and Sonic start singing The Monster Mash]

      though inconstant, and a distant, painful noise roared from somewhere its direction.

KNUCKLES: That noise was Sonic and Tails as my fist-bone connected to their jaw-bones, and whoosh, before you know it, they're airborne.

Jarod took few steps back when
      watching the phenomenon. The water creature crawled towards escaping Sonic, first slowly, but suddenly rushed
      violently into Sonic's direction as a watery shockwave---

SONIC: Look! There on the end! Its a UFO!

TAILS: I don't think so. We're stuck up here on the ceiling.

SONIC: Can we come down now, Knux?

KNUCKLES: No, the glue won't dissolve for a couple hours.

      Mobius, different place, different time.

SONIC: The wrong time and the wrong place. Know what that means?

TAILS: We're stuck with a story about a bunch of Mobians that have never heard of Sonic in their lives.

An unique group was flying low nearby the Great Forest, their destination being

KNUCKLES: The theater. They had tickets for the premiere of Jurassic Park 3.

      an archeological dig site near Kope City. The group-of-four's ride was a large reptilian-avian, the only winged land
      predator on Mobius, Slasher.

TAILS: What about bats? Aren't they winged predators?

SONIC: A winged LAND predator. Remember our last lesson on self-inserts?

TAILS: Sorry, I was Dancing with a Dinosaur.

KNUCKLES: Hey up there, I can tape your mouth shut, too. No singing.

SONIC: Want me to Walk like an Egyptian?

TAILS: And I want to Fly High!

SONIC: Come to think of it, I can Shine.

TAILS: Thanks, I'd prefer to be In the Light.

KNUCKLES: Hey!

TAILS: We weren't singing, were we?

On her back sat Tails and Knuckles, who were veterans in riding with her,

KNUCKLES: Notice their helmets and survival packs.

and Myron
      and Dash, who hadn't experienced a ride with a flying Raptor before. Although Myron had rid Horses and Narls

SONIC: What's a Narl?

KNUCKLES: I don't know, but you have to be a cowboy to smoke Narlsborough.

all his
      lifetime, and Dash motorbikes,

TAILS: As opposed to Harley Davidson.

they could agree that this type of traveling was something rather different.

SONIC: Something like riding a giant chicken. Slasher's head jerked back and forth as they moved forward.

      Dash was unable to speak in the fear of that if he would open his mouth, most of his dinner would come out.

TAILS: You'll never see THAT in one of his games.

SONIC: Actually, he was the one in the beginning of Space Quest 4 who stumbled out of the bar and barfed all over.

Luckily
      the Raptor knew the regions well, and could navigate to the dingo's hometown.

KNUCKLES: Ah, the fun of using a self-insert. They automatically know everything.

      "Excuse me, sir, but how do you know

SONIC: That your head is really facing the right way?

that much about chaos emeralds?" Tails asked the black echidna, Myron.

TAILS: Black hedgehogs, black echidnas. Are there any black foxes?

KNUCKLES: You bet, but they're more rare because black foxes actually exist.

SONIC: .... what?

      "Yeah." Knux added. "I think, that as long as

TAILS: Dick Tracy.

the guardian is alive, all emeralds stay

SONIC: In perpetual motion, dinking against each other like those little swinging marbles you can get.

on my island, whether it was now
      or

KNUCKLES: Later.

SONIC: There's some Now and Laters in that bag, I saw them. Can I have one?

KNUCKLES: When the glue melts.

in the future."
      "My knowledge?" Myron asked.

TAILS: Too bad my I/Q is so miniscule.

"That's because we have one at home."
      "What!?" Knux yelled. Even Slasher's wings stopped flapping.

SONIC: Then they went into a nose-dive and spiraled toward the distant ground, smoke pouring from Slasher's engines. "We're going down!" she yelled. "Please return all seats to their upright and locked positions!"

Surprisingly, Myron laughed.

KNUCKLES: He found instant death hilarious.

      "'Chaos Emeralds', or officially

SONIC: Little Colored Rocks that Glow Bright Colors.

Power-producing Stones, were banned as

TAILS: Flashlights.

KNUCKLES: Batteries.

SONIC: Ammo for dirt clod fights.

energy sources years ago, in my time.
      Governor's senate decided that they were way too dangerous;

SONIC: They were a choking hazard for children under age 3.

as they had been used for felonial purposes

TAILS: Does that mean that the pioneers used them when they settled America?

KNUCKLES: That's "colonial", not "felonial".

SONIC: Depends on who you talk to.

through all
      times, Dust Hill's Science Academy was ordered to come up with something to prevent any use of the emeralds.

TAILS: They invented "Dr. Robotnik", the guy who tries to protect the emeralds from the bad Hedgehog, who tries to steal them at every turn and can gain awesome powers.

SONIC: Aw, you're just prejudiced.

The
      result was the CeREC chip, which is built-in to all our technology, and can't be removed."

TAILS: What's CeREC stand for?

KNUCKLES: I think it's Chaos Emerald make Really Exceptional Cookies.

SONIC: No, it's Colored Eyeshadow on Really Evil Chicks. Thorn designed it.

TAILS: Sorry I asked.

      "What...the emeralds..but what about.."Knux started, but Myron wanted to finish his.

SONIC: Candy bar.

KNUCKLES: Mountain Dew.

TAILS: 380 Stalefish on Tony Hawks Pro Skater 2.

      "The CeREC

SONIC: See Wreck.

makes all instruments unable to convert the emeralds' power to their energy use.

TAILS: So THAT'S why my plane blew up in Sonic Adventure!

And the gems
      themselves were given to families respected by Governor Adann Kern

KNUCKLES: River.

to be protected as cultural - as well as
      symbolical - treasures. But things changed. The Governor got a daughter.

SONIC: He bought her on sale at K-Mart.

His wife deceased when giving birth to her,

TAILS: Help, I'm deceasing!

      and the Governor was painfully depressed for years.

SONIC: He had a giant boulder on his back that kept him squashed flat for years.

KNUCKLES: That's why we haven't seen him around.

Then on, he wasn't a very good father to his daughter,

TAILS: Yeah, he'd call her over to his rock and read bedtime stories in a muffled voice from underneath it.

and so she
      grew different to her peaceful father. At age 20, she took most of the command from her father,

SONIC: [as the Governess] I wish you'd never crawled out from under your rock!

but led the society
      rather differently. She had a vicious, sadistic touch.

KNUCKLES: Like the Midas touch. Everything she touched turned to weapons.

SONIC: Cool, I wouldn't mind that.

She also got her hands on illegal technology when threatening
      scientists with death to reveal the way to remove the CeREC.

TAILS: See Wreck.

SONIC: See Wreck Wreck.

TAILS: Wreck, Wreck, Wreck.

And, I worked for her. A lot.

SONIC: I was her head hit-man.

TAILS: [singing to the tune of "did you ever see a Lassie"] Did you ever see a hit-man kill this guy and that guy, did you ever see a hit-man kill this guy and that.

*Knuckles gets up and shoves a handful of Milk Duds into Tails's mouth.*

KNUCKLES: There. Shut up.

Well, this is how I got to
      know virtually everything about the emeralds."

SONIC: I learned it all on the 'net. Virtually--get it?

Knux was staring at Myron.

KNUCKLES: Are those stitches from your lobotomy?

      "If...if the emeralds weren't at my island, what happened to it, then?" He whispered, shivering.

SONIC: He was scared to death to hear the answer. Really, Knux, you shouldn't be such a wimp.

TAILS: mmmmff!

KNUCKLES: You want some carmel, too? I can riff this thing by myself.

SONIC: Maybe not. It'll be a while before poor Tails can open his mouth.

      Myron's expression got bit more serious.

SONIC: Torture by Milk Duds is no laughing matter.

      "The Floating Island? Oh. Of course, you're the guardian of this time.

KNUCKLES: Must have slipped my mind somehow. I mean, I've only been staring at that crescent on your chest for the last two hours ...

The island...it's main power source, the master

SONIC: Puppeteer.

KNUCKLES: Pokemon collector.

      emerald, was unbalanced without its twin, which was most likely somehow disposed,

SONIC: It was off taking a shower.

TAILS: Mmmff!

and released so much energy that
      it destroyed itself from inside. Sorry, but in my time, your island exists no more."

*Sonic slaps Knuckles on the shoulder*

SONIC: Too bad, man. I'll come to the funeral.

KNUCKLES: [sobbing] I can't ... can't believe it! My poor little island! It's gone! Gone forever!

TAILS: [singing] Goooone forever, perishing alone, goooone forever, never having known the one who loved it with a love it never knew in life ...

KNUCKLES: Hey, how'd you eat that carmel so fast?

TAILS: I have acid in my spit. I'm a mutant.

SONIC: Wait a minute, I think I'm about to-- *He falls off the ceiling and splats into the seats below*

TAILS: Whoa, wait, here I come! *Tails falls off and lands on top of Sonic*

TAILS: Ow! Ow! Ouch! You stupid hedgehog, why do you have to be a hedgehog?

SONIC: You're no featherweight yourself, chunky.

KNUCKLES: Look, there's a line on the screen!

TAILS: Thank goodness the stupid movie's over. C'mon Sonic, I know some stuff that'll take the glue off.

KNUCKLES: If it's that orange stuff, I'm gonna puke.

TAILS: How'd you know? Here, have a jelly donut, and remember where they don't serve breakfast.

KNUCKLES: Very funny.

*They exit the theater*

*Commercials*