KNUCKLES: Get a load of this, Sonic. The thing is over a hundred pages long.

SONIC: Gaaahhh! You mean ... you mean ...

TAILS: I'll wig out before this is over!!

[All scream]

1...2...3...4...5...6

[They enter the theater]

"Shoosh! I hear somethin'!" whispered Basil.

SONIC: Yeah, it's ski pants. Shoosh, shoosh, shoosh ...

There was silence for a while.

TAILS: They were watching a silent movie.

Floyd loaded his musket, and walked

SONIC: In his ski pants.

      slowly in the direction of the sound. "YOU ARE UNDER ARREST BY THE WILL

KNUCKLES: The will says you are to be arrested and then inherit a million dollars.

OF DOCTOR ROBOTNIK!"
      came a sudden voice. Floyd spun around, and discharged his weapon.

TAILS: He dropped it and it floated out into space.

Something went flying back into the bushes, and

SONIC: EXPLODED! A mushroom cloud enveloped the Great Forest, and ...

      landed with a thud.

SONIC: Ouch. My head. That's what I get for volunteering to be a crash dummy.

KNUCKLES: You ARE Crash, Dummy.

SONIC: Thanks ... Hey!

Silence.

TAILS: A tree falling in a forest.

"You got 'im, Floyd!" giggled Basil. The turkeys slowly

SONIC: Threw up.

walked in the direction of the

KNUCKLES: Movie theater.

      victim. It was some kind of robot. "A robot?" asked Basil.

TAILS: [as Basil] "Quick, unscrew its head! I want to put it on the wall of my den! Wouldn't those glowing red eyes go great with my drapes?"

"Check for the Governess' mark! It could be one of hers!"

SONIC: And you just shot it, you idiot.

      "You freakin' lunkhead!" Floyd snapped back.

KNUCKLES: It's a freakin' robot, you freakin' idiot. Now give me that freaking gun before you freaking hurt your freaking self.

"The Governess isn't a Governess right now! We're back in time!"

[ALL] "Take me baaaacckkk in tiiiimme!"

      "Oh... I forgot." replied Basil. The two hunters walked onward.. not noticing the nearby security camera following
      them..

TAILS: They always had so many video cameras following them, one more didn't make any difference.

      There were footsteps in the hallway. Nervously, Vlad the Bat

TAILS: WHO is THAT?

SONIC: I think it's some sort of bat.

KNUCKLES: [picks up Vlad and gives him a swing] It's just a baseball bat. Don't worry about it.

stopped before a doorway, and pressed a button. (Well,
      everyone else is introducing _their_ own characters :))

KNUCKLES: Hello Mr. Wilson.

[All scream]

"Who is it?" came a voice. "Just me, Doc!" came the reply.

TAILS: [As Vlad] I'm back with the five tons of Chinese food you ordered!

SONIC: [As Robotnik] Okay Vlad, back in the truck. *Sonic makes beeping sounds like a truck backing up*

The
      door opened, and Vlad entered the room. "What is it?" asked Robotnik, sitting on his throne.

KNUCKLES: [As Robontik] Don't tell me the pest control people are back.

TAILS: [As Vlad] The pest control people are back.

*Knuckles pretends to knock Tails across the room*

"We have company, sir!"
      replied Vlad.

SONIC: [As Vlad] It's Elvis Presley and the Beatles!

"Two dudes with guns just

KNUCKLES: Played poker for three hours on the back steps.

blasted a patrol robot!"
Robotnik grinned.

TAILS: [As Robotnik] Tell them I up the ante to three million.

"Fools. Send out a -ehem-
      welcome party for them."

SONIC: I want loud music, disco balls, confetti, punch, the works.

Vlad nodded, and left the room. He bumped into Mecha Sonic on the way out.

SONIC: Ouch. Who put that robot there?

TAILS: [As Mecha] Sir, I've come to report a massive smoking hole in my forehead.

Mecha
      scowled at him, and the little bat toddled away nervously.

KNUCKLES: Aw, wook at da widdle baby bat!

Mecha stood before Robotnik. "Sir, I have some news that
      may interest you." he said.

SONIC: You won't believe this, sir, but you just won the lottery.

"I'm listening." came the reply. Mecha hesitated. "Do you recall the paranormal Kope City
      incident, which occurred last month?" he asked.

TAILS: [As Robotnik] Oh, you mean when that UFO touched down and abducted all the inhabitants? Yeah.

"Yes." replied Robotnik. "The inhabitants of that entire city were

KNUCKLES: Swimming in Kool-aid for weeks on end.

      mysteriously drowned.. there was no water within kilometers, except what was found in their lungs."

SONIC: Well, that's what they get for drinking all that Surge so fast.

"Precisely."
      replied Mecha. "Well, what's the news?" demanded Robotnik.

SONIC: [As Mecha] Well, tomorrow's forecast is for partly cloudy skies, temperatures in the high eighties ...

"Something that happened on a recent Knothole search
      patrol." replied Mecha.

TAILS: We were frisking this Freedom Fighter when all of a sudden ...

"The robots were out in the forest yesterday. We lost contact with them about noon.

KNUCKLES: We figured they had gone out for lunch, but then they didn't come back ...

When we
      sent a search for them, we found them..." he hesitated

SONIC: Yeah. We found them. And brought 'em home. Gee Mecha, get to the point.

"Drenched. Completely short-circuted, and filled with water like

SONIC: A toilet.

KNUCKLES: A swimming pool.

TAILS: A planet standing three hundred feet deep in water!

[Sonic and Knuckles stare at him]

      a bottle." Robotnik grinned. "The Kope City force is HERE?" he asked, delighted.

TAILS: Oh boy, it's NOD! I want their air force and their navy and their hovertanks and their obliesks of light and their EMP cannon ... no wait, that's GDI ...

Mecha nodded. "We assume so."

KNUCKLES: They only have a red scorpion painted on everything ...

      "EXCELLENT!" shouted Robotnik, shooting up.

SONIC: Like a rocket and cracked his head against the ceiling, and was in the hospital for the rest of this fic.

"Whatever that force is, it drowned an entire CITY! With that power
      in my hands, I can finally take over this blasted planet!!!"

KNUCKLES: So says every evil dictator in every story/movie/etc. around the world. And do they do it? Noooo ...

He looked out the window, and saw

TAILS: Pink Elephants.

two turkeys being

SONIC: Made into sandwiches.

      escorted to the

KNUCKLES: Borg assimilation chamber.

prison by guard robots. They were obviously

SONIC: dead, because they were being carried over the robots' shoulders with their heads dangling.

hunters, and had a large number of medals pinned to their

TAILS: Foreheads.

      chests. Robotnik grinned. "And I think I know two hunters who may just be able to capture me such a force!"

KNUCKLES: Use the Force, Basil.

SONIC: What do you think I'm freaking doing, Floyd?

TAILS: What IS that thing, anyway?

SONIC: I'll bet it's some sort of spear. It's a warning not to read this fic or we'll die mysterious deaths.

KNUCKLES: I think I already have. [He slides out of the chair and his voice floats up from the floor.] I can't go on! It's too dumb! Too dumb!

Dash Dingo

SONIC: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

sat on the ground, looking at

TAILS: What was left of his toes.

 the contents of his backpack. He stared at a few photos.. photos of a city.

KNUCKLES: [still on the floor] Dumb ...

TAILS: I wish YOU were dumb.

[Knuckles scrambles up in the chair and glares at Tails] What did you call me?

TAILS: Dumb. You wanna make something of it? [he ducks a flying fist, then runs around to sit on the other side of Sonic]

      One of them showed himself, with his arms around

SONIC: A cactus.

a female dingo. They looked so

KNUCKLES: Dumb.

SONIC: Mushy.

TAILS: Moronic.

happy. A tear formed in Dash's

SONIC: Nose.

      eye. Memories flooded back to him..

KNUCKLES: And he drowned in them.

memories of seeing the evil liquid monster invading the

SONIC: WORLD!!

city. Attacking people not
      for food, but simply for the sake of killing them.

TAILS: Sounds suspiciously like a pack of raptors. Oh yeah, this is the hut person, isn't it?

SONIC: Shax, not huts.

It seemed to want to kill everything just because it was alive.

SONIC: Cool. I've met people like that.

He saw
      himself under a piece of debris...

SONIC: A giant red sneaker as I squashed him like the little parasite he is.

a sign with "Welcome to Kope City" written on it. He sat under it, trapped..

TAILS: So, he was trapped under it, and he was just sitting there? That's ...

KNUCKLES: Dumb.

SONIC: Exactly.

watching
      the girl from the photo being carried away by the monster.. INSIDE the monster..

SONIC: X-ray vision has it's downside.

she couldn't breathe..

TAILS: Take off the halloween mask, stupid.

he was
      screaming at her..

KNUCKLES: "Better get Mako!"

she was trying to scream back,

TAILS: "Shut up!"

but just wasted her air supply... Dash opened his eyes to find himself

SONIC: Toppling off a cliff.

      crying. He wiped his eyes.. the photos were too sad.

KNUCKLES: So he threw them away.

He decided to look at something else. He grabbed an old

TAILS: Video camera

      notebook. "Archaeological Dig at Site 95.4938..".

SONIC: Hey, a DNS entry! Dash writes his notebook in HTML!

He opened to the first page.. he remembered it well..

KNUCKLES: High school graduation.

he had just
      scribbled down a series of

TAILS: Spiderman episodes.

runes from his last dig..

TAILS: Dig it.

when the monster was released. There was an image of three large

SONIC: PlayStations.

      emeralds, just sitting in a large cave.

KNUCKLES: Oh  sure, you expected three large emeralds to be walking around in a large cave?

Above each was a symbol.

SONIC: Latin for "dweeb".

The left emerald had the symbol for

TAILS: Cats.

'power', the right
      had the symbol for

SONIC: Videogames.

'time', and the centre, the largest, had the symbol for

KNUCKLES: Insanity.

'flight'. He flipped to the next page. There was

TAILS: A drawing of an alligator.

      a whole bunch of indecipherable symbols. Dash squinted.

SONIC: Darn it, he had used the WingDing font.

He saw something he didn't notice before.

TAILS: Hadn't noticed, not didn't notice. Sheesh.

SONIC: What? I didn't notice.

If he turned the
      notebook at an angle, the symbols seemed to make up the outline of a moray-eel-head.

KNUCKLES: What an unbelievable coincidence.

He felt around in his pocket,
      and brought out

SONIC: A snail and a slug. "Hi Jim, hi George," he said, and put them back.

a scrap of paper, with a key to the old-Mobian language written on it.

TAILS: You get it in the Hidden City, if you climb all the way to the top of the mountain, there's a school with a bunch of baddies, and ...

KNUCKLES: I believe you're thinking of Commander Keen, Tails.

TAILS: So? All these videogame languages are the same.

He read the symbols, using the
      key.

SONIC: It was his girlfriend's car key, but what the heck.

They seemed to say "The liquid eel is guardian."

KNUCKLES: I take that as a personal insult.

Strange.

SONIC: That Knuckles would take that as a personal insult.

Noting his find on the bottom of the page, he then
      flipped it over.

TAILS: And dropped it in the lake and lost it, oh well.

The next page seemed to show the

TAILS: Burger King logo.

structure of a monarchy. The pictures at the bottom depicted

KNUCKLES: All the screenshots of Red Mountain.

      echidnas bowing down. Then, there were three circles above them, depicting the rulers.

SONIC: All good twelve-inch rulers, too.

At the very top, the circle
      contained the letters M-Y-R-O-N, and then the rune for 'king'.

SONIC: Amazing. Dash could read. He had never noticed it before.

Underneath, on the left, there was a circle with the
      letters T-H-O-R-N, and the rune for 'queen'.

TAILS: Who?

SONIC: Psycho chick.

TAILS: Oh.

And on the right was a circle with the letters J-V-O, and the rune for
      'third-in-command'.

KNUCKLES: Oh, I get it now! This is one of those alternate-universe fics where Sally didn't exist!

SONIC: Man, let's plan a vacation there.

Dash squinted at the runes, and then at the key.

TAILS: Oh darn, he needed the key to his room, not his car key.

No wait, the letters weren't J-V-O... he crossed it
      out, and replaced it with

KNUCKLES: With the letters S-O-N-I-C-R-U-L-E-S

the correct translation, I-V-O. It still didn't make much sense. Who were Thorn and Ivo?

TAILS: A plant and a rotten egg, obviously.

He
      already knew who Myron was..

SONIC: He was that guy who tried to sell him life insurance the other day.

but how did he become king of an ancient civilization?

TAILS: Easy. The Plot Hole Express.

KNUCKLES: I heard the writers bickered a lot over this aspect.

Maybe 'Myron' was a common
      name among echidnas, and the whole thing was just a coincidence. Maybe.

SONIC: Oh sure. It's all just a coincidence. That's a good way to go through life. It's all a coincidence. Ha ha.

The familiar duo, Sonic and Tails along with two new faces,

SONIC: Severed heads they carried with them for company.

an archaeologist Dash from Kope City, and an echidna
      stranger, who was barely known as 'Myron'

TAILS: Yeah, he's only barely known as Myron. He only changed his name from 'Bob' last week.

were walking in the woods, towards Knothole.

      "So, why are you here?" Sonic asked the khaki-clothed echidna.

KNUCKLES: [As Myron] Oh, no reason, good chap. I was only hihed to bring bhak your hod on a silvah plattah.

      "Me?" He let out, uninterested.

SONIC: He was thinking more about how to beat that level in MechWarrior 3 than the matter at present.

      "Yeah, you... I mean, the 'forest is a lousy place for a game hunter like you, it's got nothing else than us

TAILS: [As Sonic] *GASP* You don't think he'd ...

and swarms of
      patrolling 'bots." Sonic said.

SONIC [as self] I mean, hey, there's nothing here to hunt except me, and you wouldn't want MY head to grace your wall ... I'd insult all your visitors.

      "Well, the only thing I was looking for in here wasn't just couple more live targets. You haven't seen my hunting
      memorial hall, and don't know that in where I come from, I've hunted just about everything what moves." Myron said,
      not looking at Sonic.

KNUCKLES: Ah, see that? He feels guilty! He's hunted all those poor animals ...

SONIC: Um, Knux, I think you missed the point ...

      "Where DO you come from, then?" The hedgehog asked.

TAILS: [As Myron] Oh, no planet YOU'VE ever heard of.

      "It doesn't matter...it seems I'm never going back." Myron said.

SONIC: [As Myron] Yeah, Mom grounded me from the computer ....

      "How come?" Tails asked, but he didn't got answered. Everybody walked on silently.

KNUCKLES: They had all been struck dumb by a sudden Novicane bomb.

      After a few minutes, they

SONIC: They started singing "Gilligan's Island".

reached the border of the local

TAILS: Sewer farm.

Freedom Fighter village, Knothole. A figure was waiting for
      them in the open.

SONIC: Duh, where else would he wait for them?

It was Knuckles; being extremely nervous, he ran to the five.
      "Man, Sonic! You're OK? Me and your sis' looked all over the place for you, and you were nowhe----" Knuckles'
      speech stopped like a Formula One car into a wall.

KNUCKLES: Hey, cool! I didn't know there were car crashes and gunplay in this!

SONIC: Yeah, this fic may not be so bad after all! Pass the popcorn, Tails.

His eyes widened when he saw the new person, which was

TAILS: Tarzan.

...most
      likely, the same species as he.

TAILS: Duh. Don't tell me they already forgot Myron's species.

SONIC: Pretty likely, Tails, what with all these self-inserts ...

      "Who...who are you?" He asked the stranger echidna, with his voice full of

KNUCKLES: Happiness at finding his father, Darth Myron.

doubting.
      "None of your business." Myron snapped back.

SONIC: None of yer bleeping business, you red freak. Go eat a grape.

KNUCKLES: Hey, I don't mind if I do.

      "But---look at you! You are

TAILS: Pope!

---or are you?? No, you really are! What the..." Knuckles spoke, amazed.
      "Never seen a hunter?" Myron asked.

SONIC: [as Knuckles] Well, actually, only in select movies ...

      "Ahem, he has.." Sonic begun to talk. "..But what he hasn't seen..."

SONIC: ...Is the color of your blood! Bwua ha ha ha ha!

      The hedgehog saw sudden understanding in Myron's

KNUCKLES: Shoulder blade.

expression. "Hey, hey...you're acting like you've never seen an

TAILS: Dreamcast.

      echidna...except when looking in a mirror?" Myron asked the stunned guardian.

KNUCKLES: See? See? I'M the Guardian, not Chaos. That's why I was offended.

SONIC: Tails, you dimwit.

TAILS: You said it, Sonic, not me.

SONIC: Nuh-uh. You said it. I heard you.

TAILS: Did not.

SONIC: Did too!

TAILS: Did NOT! [they disppear into a cartoon fight cloud]

KNUCKLES: Oh, puh-LEEZE. I'm trying to watch the movie. [He throws a piece of popcorn at the two and goes back to watching the screen.]

      "Of course! In your time, echidnas were though to be

SONIC: Idiots.

extinct." Myron let out, not realizing what he had actually said.
      "Excuse, like really, me?" Sonic said.

TAILS: Excuse, like, really, me.

SONIC: Like, you're totally welcome.

KNUCKLES: Like, totally groovy!

      "'In our time'?" Dash let out.
      "'Were thought to be'? Aren't th...."

TAILS: [as self] Aren't they all dead? I mean, hey, I went to Mobian Elementary school until I was five. I KNOW these things.

Tails spoke. There was a silent moment amongst everyone.

SONIC: This was a very polite moment. He had survived in the village after falling off the Ettiquite van.

      "Could you...explain what you just said?

KNUCKLES: I had a carrot in my ear.

Man, if you're an echidna...where--but how--how come---" Knuckles spat
      out

SONIC: Watermelon seeds.

questions.
      "All right, all right! So if I'm stuck on this

TAILS: Planet inhabited by apes.

time, maybe ultimately, I see no reason to not to tell you guys why it's so...."
      Myron said.

KNUCKLES: Watch out guys, here comes a color change!

[All whip out their sunglasses and oo and ahh as the color changes.]

"Well, okay, here's the short version of what happened.

SONIC: And Myron proceeded to talk for the next three days.

50 years ago, from MY perspective, the Floating Island was
      being attacked by an invading army--who they were is not important--

TAILS: It was just NOD. No big deal.

SONIC: Quiet, fanboy.

and they were flying over the city in
      fighter-planes.

KNUCKLES: Who? The echidnas or NOD?

The Queen of that time decided to

TAILS: Unconditionally surrender.

evacuate EVERYONE from the smaller villages and outlying cities
      and get them all into the

SONIC: Borg assimilation chamber. Resistance is futile.

City of the Sun, which had a magical shield over it as well as good stone-wall type defenses
      and the highest technology on Mobius, and Master Emerald to power it all.

SONIC: Duuuudde! Why can't we have THAT in here?

TAILS: They have some heavy duty toys ... *whistles*

KNUCKLES: We'll have to use their phone. Their dish is bigger than ours.

But the authorities didn't have time to

SONIC: Finish writing the comic books, so we have a lousy story about Knuckles and all his relatives living in another dimension called Haven ...

KNUCKLES: Have you ever actually READ the comics?

SONIC: No, nor do I care.

TAILS: Smart guy.

KNUCKLES: Ditto.

      search the ENTIRE Island before the shield went up, evidently."
      "I remember..." whispered Knuckles sadly.

KNUCKLES: [As himself] I looked up and ... *sniff* Nagasaki was a fireball ...

"I was only 5 years old--there were these horrible noises and a HUGE
      flash of light--and then a shock wave went through the entire Island and threw me against a tree.

SONIC: Whoa ... I think you were close, Knux.

When I woke up it
      was DAYS later,

TAILS: DAYS and DAYS later, and I mean DAYS and DAYS later,  like WEEKS and MONTHS ...

there was nothing left of the City of the Sun but ruins with grass already growing on them,

KNUCKLES: Man, that is SOME fertilizer they're using ...

and
      no-one left alive but me..." He turned away so that the others wouldn't see him trying not to cry; it was still the most
      traumatic memory he had.

SONIC: Yes, but this fic would soon give him much WORSE traumatic memories, heh heh heh!

      "Yes, that's what happened from YOUR point of view," snapped Myron, irritated at the interruption. "May I have your
      PERMISSION to continue now?" he said snottily.

TAILS: Ugh, I wish he'd wipe his nose.

      Knuckles bowed out of his way.

KNUCKLES: [As himself] Oh yes, snotty one, I will shut my measly trap and let you continue your all-mighty narrative of how my ancestors disappeared, even though it is all lies from beginning to end, I will never interrupt you, oh my master ...

SONIC: What Darth Vader would never say to the Emperor.

      "As I was saying, we were being

TAILS: Ground into hamburger.

attacked. Well, at the same time,

KNUCKLES: We were watching Mission: Impossible 2.

the main scientists of the city were working on a

SONIC: New excercize machine.

      new project--a MASS-transporter machine, like a much, much larger version of the ones in the Sky Sanctuary. It was

TAILS: Lethal.

      meant to be able to

SONIC: Phase everyone into anti-matter.

teleport the entire city elsewhere in case of a huge, inescapable emergency,

KNUCKLES: Like in case the Playstation 2 ever came out.

buildings and all. But
      the attacking army came out of NOWHERE

SONIC: Knux, where is NOWHERE?

KNUCKLES: It's right in the middle of CAPSLOCK.

TAILS: HEY, I'VE BEEN THERE.

and so they were forced to turn it on without being able to test it out first.
      And the result was a bit messy...

KNUCKLES: That's right, boys and girls, they were all reduced to bubbling heaps of slime. The following video footage was taken by Eyewitness News only seconds after the disaster occurred ..

      "That great flash of light you saw was TWO things--the enemy fighters finally breaching the shield, AND the teleporter
      device, which was located under the city, in the Hidden Palace, going off unexpectedly at the same time.

SONIC: You were blown against the tree as both exploded at the same time, killing everyone except, of course, you.

TAILS: [as Myron] "Uh oh, that means I'm--" *ffffsssttt* and he dissappeared in a puff of smoke.

The field
      hadn't been properly calibrated so there were some weird side effects. First of all, the wash of energy went up into the
      air and completely disintegrated the entire attacking army, while also pushing the teleporter DOWN through the floor,
      which then caved in over it; it's been lost ever since.

KNUCKLES: Handy. A bomb that not only kills everybody, it cleans up after itself, too.

SONIC: It's the new Bomb-a-Matic! It slices, it dices, it kills an enire civilization in one blow, and it ALSO (here's the tricky part, ladies and gentlemen), it ALSO clears away all debris!

Secondly, the field wasn't QUITE big enough to take the entire
      city, as its parameters had never properly been set--some walls of buildings were not picked up by the beam, and
      sheered off as if by a razor-sharp knife.

TAILS: And of course, there were a few people who were too close to the edge of the field.

They fell to the ground and broke into pieces

KNUCKLES: of apple pie.

as they did so--hence your
      "ruins", in the area that I believe is now referred to as "Marble Gardens." And thirdly, we had NO idea where the city
      would end up going."
      "Where?" asked Knuckles breathlessly.

SONIC: A very, very hot place ... and it starts with H.

      "Strangely enough, we ended up elsewhere on Mobius--a harsh, hot, desert climate that has been aptly named the
      "Dust Hill Zone".

TAILS: Oh boy, it's Sonic 2 Beta! I hacked that program and boy is it cool!

SONIC AND KNUCKLES: FAN-BOOOYY!!

The sun was so harsh that we built a

TAILS: Massive tanning booth.

shield to protect ourselves from it, and then made it invisible by
      using the few ordinary Chaos Emeralds we could find.

SONIC: Oh yes, just used those few ordinary Chaos emeralds they found lying around like so much quartz. There's millions and millions of super-powered gems, you know.

But without the Master Emerald to power our technology, we

KNUCKLES: Had to invent the Dark Master emerald, which does everything the Master does, but better! I've read that fic.

TAILS: Uh, How recently?

KNUCKLES: Oh, two years ago, give or take.

TAILS: Thought so.

      had to do without a lot of luxuries that we'd become accustomed to,

SONIC: Like baths.

and eventually the idea of the pampered Royalty
      became unpopular

KNUCKLES: Like, since when has it ever been popular, except with royalty?

and was replaced with a Governess instead.

TAILS: The mean kind of Governess they have in old books. You know, the teacher the rich kids would torture ..?

(Author's Note: Ignore what I said earlier about how
      the Royalty had been gone for "centuries"; that was before I knew that the Governess was from RECENTLY into the
      future, at a point where Sonic was older but still alive.)

SONIC: Um, come again?

KNUCKLES: It must be a note to the other authors. I told you they bickered a lot over this fic.

And then...well..."
      He trailed off, unable to tell them about the problems with

TAILS: The plumbing, the moon, the hamburger, the dog, the large amount of dirty fanfics, the various Sonic sites dying out, the rumor about the Playstation 2 beating out the Dreamcast ...

the Freedom Fighters, the evil of the current governess,

SONIC: She was making them learn Calculus.

the
      evacuation to underground,

KNUCKLES: Which is where Sonic Underground comes from. A bunch of Freedom Fighters living in the catacombs.

and all of that. Besides, he felt it really wasn't any of their business.

SONIC: Of course, there is that, too.

      "So...you're saying that...the echidnas have been

TAILS: Getting glorious tans and I haven't known about it???

here all along, they've just been hiding?" gasped Knuckles. "I've been

SONIC: playing with chao

      all alone and miserable for 12 years after that for NOTHING?!" He seemed a bit upset.

KNUCKLES: [as self] I missed twelve years of Saturday Night Live???

      "Calm down, Uncle Knux," said Tails placatingly.

TAILS: UNCLE KNUX!?! *he falls out of the chair laughing* I thought Aunt Sally was bad, but UNCLE KNUX! HOO HOO HOO! Who's my grandpa---Robotnik? HAHAHAHA!!!

"It's not the past we need to worry about now, it's the future.

SONIC: I got a fortune cookie right here. Let's see. *he cracks it open* "Reality is not what it seems, as you will soon find out."

KNUCKLES: What's THAT supposed to mean?

TAILS: *shiver* It means ... we're inside ... the MATRIX!!

[All scream]

For
      example, what are we going to do about that monster?"

TAILS: Feed it cookies, of course.

      "We need to find Dash Dingo"

KNUCKLES: Yeah, Sonic's got the right idea! Let's feed DASH to the monster!

SONIC: WHOOPEE! LET'S DO IT!

(if he isn't already there, I lost track) said Sonic decisively.

TAILS: [As Sonic] I don't remember if he's here or not, but lets go out into the trackless jungle and try to find him, and thus futher this already confusing plot.

"He knows something about

SONIC: How to pluck a chicken.

      it. He also knows about this

KNUCKLES: New Batman movie.

whole "Kope City" mystery.

TAILS: Sounds like a job for Sherlock Holmes!

KNUCKLES: Or Hercule Poirot!

SONIC: Or Ernest P. Whorl!

Find him and we find some answers...I hope."

SONIC: Answers to pressing questions like, Who am I? What time is it? Who set the television on fire?

He went
      striding off into the forest, the others following reluctantly.

TAILS: They all knew what happened in the next sentance.

      SWWOOOOSH!

KNUCKLES: It's SUPERMAN, come to save the day!

      Sonic yelped as he was

TAILS: [in a British accent] Made into a chicken pie.

SONIC: [as self, also in a British accent] But I don't want to be a pie ... I don't like gravy.

rudely yanked off his feet and

KNUCKLES: Shaved.

dangled in the air. The others quickly followed suit--all of them

TAILS: Shaved bald in seconds.

      caught in nets hidden under the

SONIC: Waffle iron.

forest growth, made out of some

TAILS: Branches lopped hastily from the treetops.

very strong material that it seemed knives couldn't cut
      through.

SONIC: They all had knives, and they all tried at once, and only succeeded in hacking each other's limbs off.

      "Oh, THIS is embarrassing." muttered Myron.

KNUCKLES: [as Han Solo] Great Chewy, great. Always thinking with your stomach.

"Best hunter on Mobius and I get caught in one of the simplest
      game-traps around!"

SONIC: He landed on Boardwalk. Too bad.

      "What do we do now, Sonic?" wondered Tails, swishing his, well,

TAILS: Multiple heads

tails in impatience.
      "Whatever it is, do it soon," growled Knuckles, who had just

KNUCKLES: Broken loose and was walking away.

tried--and failed--to punch his way through the cords
      with the spikes on his fists,

SONIC: The word, moron, is 'knuclaws'.

TAILS: Moron Myron, moron Myron, moron Myron ...

and was now in a bit of pain.

KNUCKLES: Well duh, those spikes on his fists were from his last surgery and shouldn't be bumped against anything.

      "Well, well, well," drawled a scratchy yet somehow still familiar female voice.

TAILS: Wait, don't tell me, it was ... Brittany Spears!

SONIC: No.

TAILS: Okay, then it was ... Amy Grant!

SONIC Close.

TAILS: Um, then it was ... Jaleel White!

KNUCKLES: Stop it before I get sick.

"Lookie what we have here."

SONIC: I do believe I've found a couple of scared rabbits, hidin' here in the bushes.

Sonic
      strained to see the source of the voice. It was...

KNUCKLES: The ugliest, slimiest little hag you ever saw.

from what he could tell, hanging upside-down...a small, pink, female

SONIC: Collie.

TAILS: Chair.

KNUCKLES: Kirby.

      hedgehog! "Amy?" he called out, disbelieving.

SONIC [As self] Amy? You made it out of Station Square and actually got up HERE? Hey guys, shoot me, quick, before she has a chance to insist I take her to Twinkle Park.

"Amy Rose? Boy, I thought I'd NEVER say this but

KNUCKLES: I hate your guts and I never want to see you again, you little wimpy brat.

am I ever glad to
      see you? Help us down, will ya?"

TAILS: [As Amy] Sure Sonic, but in exchange, you have to take me to Twinkle Park!

SONIC: Oh no, somebody shoot me quick! It's too awful to contemplate!

      "Amy Rose?" laughed the figure,

KNUCKLES: Who was actually Mario in disguise.

whom Sonic could now see was clad in black leather and stiletto heels, with spikes
      bristling from her clothes at almost every joint.

SONIC: Yep, that's Mario all right.

TAILS: Now that is one tough plumber.

"My, I haven't heard that name in a long time.

KNUCKLES: I've gone by Ethan Hunt ever since I could talk.

The name's Thorn, dearie.

TAILS: Thorn. Not flower, not rose, not thistle, not dandilion, not cactus ... Thorn. Get it right. I can't stand to kill somebody before they've got my name right. Say it with me. Thorn.

      And YOU are in a LOT more trouble than you thought!"

SONIC: Thorny toad's gonna teach you a lesson!

KNUCKLES: [as Sonic] Get away from me with that flamethrower!

She threw back her head and laughed as she drew her
      dagger...

SONIC: to hack open the letter. She had lost her letter opener.

[The movie ends, but the three are so caught up in their little drama they don't notice]

SONIC: [as Thorn] Come back here, you little rodent!

KNUCKLES: [as Sonic] You'll never take me alive, Thorny Toad! Hahahaha! You missed!

SONIC: [as Thorn] Grrr, that drape looks better burned anyway. I've got you now! Now I'll get you back for all the mean things you said about Amy Rose!

KNUCKLES: [as Sonic] Ha, since when? Everything I said about her was true! Neener neener, missed again!

[Sonic and Knuckles run out of the theater, leaving Tails in fits of laughter. After a minute, he gets up, douses the flames and leaves the theater.]

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