hello. if you read this before, i want to deeply, sincerely apologize.

it's no secret that i've been having mental health issues. but that's no reason for me to be engaging in attention-seeking behaviour like this over thinking that someone stole my friends from me.
i deeply, truly apologize if i've made you worry over my behaviour. there is no excuse in the world for me to be throwing a tantrum like this.

in doing something as bone-headedly idiotic as deactivating my account, i completely cut myself off from my entire support web with absolutely no backups. in my state, i should not be isolating myself.
but at the time, i genuinely thought i was doing something good. in the end, i've probably just worried people over nothing.

i'm really sorry.

i've been battling a porn addiction for three years. it's slowly destroyed my self-control, the dopamine receptors in my brain, and i'm still losing.
this is not to blame it for everything, but it hopefully will explain some of my behavior.
i've also had internalized transphobia, homophobia, and just issues with lgbtqa+ in general for almost my entire life. admittedly, this hasn't been much of an issue because i've been working on it, but i want to be honest now.

if you want to cut contact with me after learning this, i won't blame you. just... please give me a chance to improve. you know i'd do the same for you, no matter how much that means anymore.
i'm not going to be fun to be around for a while. i'm sorry for that. but i literally cannot help it. i really, really wish i could, but i physically can't, and i'm sorry for that.

thanks for tolerating me.


original message saved below for posterity.:


hi.

if you're seeing this, i've deactivated my discord account for the foreseeable future. i might be active elsewhere, but not on discord.

i've had the realization that i am a jealous, envious person, and if i don't get some distance, i'm going to start manipulating people into being my friends. i don't want to do that.
i've also been wrestling with a lot of prejudices involving certain topics. i don't want to hurt anyone by saying something insensitive or stupid.
i don't want to hurt anyone at all.

maybe i'll come back once i'm better. maybe i'll never get better. either way, you deserve better than the envious and selfish mess that is me.
please don't try to reach out to me. i'm already guilty enough having to write this. i'm not trying to guilttrip for attention, but i physically cannot tell if that's what i'm doing or if this is something i'm trying to do for the good of everyone else.

i'm a mess. i'm leaving until i'm less of a horrible person.

thank you for your continued interest in my works.